Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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