i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize