I could have mohawked her pubes.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
