and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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