don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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