When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
