Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
