If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
