I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
