May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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