She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
