I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
