You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
