Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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