tell your sister to shave her snatch
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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