I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
