Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
