I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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