Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
