Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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