We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
