paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
