now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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