i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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