More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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