Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
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Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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