too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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