No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
