I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
