i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
