My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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