It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
