I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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