I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
