i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
