just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
