u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
