Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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