Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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