No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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