that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
