im holly from the hills drunk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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