I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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