Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was born a porn star she said
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My dick has a subreddit
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
