its not stalking. its research.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
