I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
