I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
