Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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