A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
