Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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