never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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