miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
