like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
