I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
