i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
