I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
