I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
