there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
