you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
