Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
