They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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