**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
