I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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