He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
