Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
