careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
