god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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